I’ve been thinking a lot lately about resilience and the way we are souls that are born to bounce back. We are wired to heal and repair ourselves after heartbreak, trauma and loss. If you think about it, we know from the moment that we come into the world, that if all goes as it should, we will likely outlive the two most important people we know, our parents. We are hardwired to lose the strongest bond and connection that we have. To grieve, to mourn and then to move on and continue the circle of life. Some of us are even separated from our parents for reasons that don’t involve their passing and still we persevere.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how, lately as a civilization, we seem to be losing perspective- which is greatly affecting our ability to be resilient in the face of even minor inconveniences or setbacks. Perhaps it’s because of social media, always showing us the quickest, easiest ways that everyone seems to be doing everything. The way people accomplish even massive goals with not so much as a setback. I don’t know for sure, but It feels that expectations are reaching such an unrealistic level that relationships, travel, business endeavors, diets and even friendships are set up to fail before they even begin. One argument? Time for a break up. Didn’t lose 10 pounds day one? Screw fitness. What’s the point of traveling when it’s expensive and my trip will never look as good as so and so’s because I’m single and 10lbs over weight..? And so on.
The other day I watched a woman at the airport freak out because her luggage had been lost. She cursed out everyone from the poor woman at the lost luggage desk to the pilot of the airplane to God himself. I do understand the pressures of travel and the difficulty of losing valuable possessions, especially if something is an irreplaceable heirloom or if you don’t have much to begin with. However, I watched her and thought… “how important is this really that It merits this kind of tantrum?” 10 mins later a terrified employee wheeled out her luggage that wasn’t even lost, just something she herself had overlooked on the belt. She grabbed her bag in a huff and ran off. No apologies, no remorse- just pure anger over what turned out to be a standard travel mix up.
Similarly, I was on a train from Odense to Viborg in Denmark when the train stopped unexpectedly. I waited a moment and was asked to exit the train about an hour before my stop, in a small strange city I had never heard of. I asked the train attendant if I had gotten on the wrong train and he said no. So I asked, why do I need to exit here? And he informed me that someone had jumped in front of the train and died. I was automatically filled with so much sadness. I carried my bags off the train and tried to work out my next move. While I was standing at the platform though I could hear someone speaking to their friend complaining incessantly about how this ruined her travel day and she was sick of having to deal with these kinds of inconsistencies and inconveniences …and I do understand that as well.
However, I wondered if she might feel differently if she understood the reason for the reroute and had the perspective that I had. The perspective that things could be worse, and that unfortunately on that day, they were much worse for someone and for that someone’s family and friends and for the horrified train conductor who couldn’t stop the train, and for the people on the platform that witnessed the incident. For countless people who’s day, week, month, year, life- might never be the same because of this split second decision that trickled down and affected so many- including us in some small way.
What If the whole point of going out and doing the hard, risky things is to encounter the difficulties that teach us resilience and patience? What if that travel delay is exactly why we should travel? So that we can learn the value of time and find a way to make the most of time and more importantly to understand that we don’t have control over the circumstances but only over our attitude toward those circumstances. What if getting into that relationship and risking heartbreak is meant to be uncomfortable and to teach you the things about yourself that maybe you need to learn?
I used to say I have no patience. However, over the last couple years I have decided that’s not true. People assume that of me because I’m often moving quickly and I adopted their ill opinion of me as a truth about myself for a long time. However, when the train stopped and I was lost in a foreign city, I waited calmly to decide a new solution and then went on my way. When I was just two days into this trip I was alerted that the flight I had booked back to the US was cancelled due to the airline going out of business. I quickly booked a new flight and went to bed. Not because the loss of money didn’t burn, or because I don’t care, but because I understand the risk that I take when I travel and I embrace the lessons. The lesson to be flexible and resilient and to consistently be looking for solutions and not brooding about nonsense and yelling “why me?”. That didn’t happen to me; it just happened. I only have control over my response and I try to find responses that keep me moving forward.
I hope that we can all find a way to take some deep breaths and keep in mind that in this vast and expansive cosmos we are but tiny little lights. The world isn’t working for or against us… it’s just working. It’s our responsibility to turn lemons into lemonade and to be grateful that we have lemons in the first place. There is no obstacle so great that we can’t overcome and handle it with grace. We aren’t guaranteed anything except the present moment. So make it calm, make it peaceful, make it joyful, make it helpful. You may hit the bottom sometimes, but I am confident that you can bounce back.
All love,
Dana
** I wrote this over the summer during my trip through Europe, most of which I did solo. I found it today and thought that it is quite relevant now, amidst the corona craziness. We are so strong, this too shall pass. Stay safe, be well ❤
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